My Girlfriend, Jackie Greco

Over the past few months I have noticed some qualities about my girlfriend that have made me think about who she really is. I've come to realize that if she was a man, she would definitely be one of those guido meatheads that I don't really care for. I've since forgotten most of my evidence, but a few pieces remain:

1.) She loves lathering herself at the beach to get a golden brown exterior

2.) She instinctively flexes her biceps if I grab it to get her attention

3.) She was drawn to a cut off crew-neck sweatshirt at the mall the other day (like the kind guys would wear to Muscle Beach with a big belt/back support)

4.) I often catch her checking out her bod in a mirror or very clean window

5.) She shaves her forearms

To go along with this, she and I have collectively noticed characteristics that she possess which are very similar to one George Costanza, they are as follows:

1.) She loves to tell you how good she is at parallel parking

2.) She doesn't like to front money for things (but who does?)

3.) She definitely would have eaten that eclair out of the trash can

4.) She does not have a job but says she wants to go on vacation/has one planned for May

5.) She claims to not wear a shirt while going to the bathroom (not yet proven)

I suppose all these things combine to make up the perfect girl for me, a juiced up version of George Louis Costanza.